Mine are, and it’s not a failure or because of something I’m doing wrong. That’s just the reality of being an entrepreneur mom. Between business, family, church, community and my personal sanity, my schedule is full.
As a mom to 5 boys and a successful businesswoman, I’ve spent my career preaching the idea of business and family being able to grow together in harmony. I’ve helped many business owners create stronger relationships at home while growing their businesses. I love it! It’s very rewarding work.
And yet, it is a very imperfect art.
So let’s get some ugly truths out of the way. Even though I try my best to balance my dreams with the needs of my family, it’s not perfect in my home.
Here’s my reality
Sometimes my kids feel neglected because I’m working on my business.
I do my best to pay attention to the needs of everyone in my family, but sometimes I miss stuff, and discover after the fact that one of my kids has been struggling.
When the stress level with the company gets high, sometimes I put my husband on the back burner. I don’t do it on purpose. But it happens.
I absolutely hold back in business because of the needs and demands of my family.
Not all of my kids love my business. Two of them would LOVE for me to be a stay-at-home mom.
I haven’t been on a field trip in years. I’ve never been a member of the PTA, and I don’t attend every school meeting for the parents. Historically I’ve volunteered at the school 1-2 times a year.
Because I was feeling guilty about the above, I agreed to be the Band Booster Parent this year, and it pushed me over the edge of overscheduled.
Are you shocked? Appalled? Judging me?
How can I preach balance between business and family when I have this battle going on in my own home
Ending the battle
It’s quite simple. I don’t allow it to be a battle. Instead, I look at it as a dance. It’s like a big party with a dance floor full of people and things I love. I don’t have to dance with the same person all night. And perfectionism is never invited to my party.
You don’t have to be perfect to be really good. In spite of my weaknesses, I am really good at winning in business and at home. My husband and I love each other and are awesome partners in life. We’ve agreed that the our faith comes first. The success of our marriage and family is the next priority. Business comes third.
Perhaps our business could be bigger if we arranged our priorities differently, but it is stable, profitable, and provides a great living for my family.
Each of my sons knows that I love them dearly and that I am committed to them. We genuinely have fun together. They still consider me a smother mother who won’t get out of their business. I consider that a win because, in reality, it takes effort for me to know what is going on in each of their lives.
Do’s and Don’ts of releasing perfection.
If you want to grow a successful business and have a strong family, the first step is releasing the desire for perfection. It’s not possible and pursuing an unrealistic idea of what balance should look like will leave you constantly feeling like you’re not doing enough in either area of your life.
If you are equally committed to success at home and success in business, it’s time for a powerful shift in perspective.
Dont’s
Don’t blame the business. Every problem that exists in my imperfect family could just as easily exist if I were not running a company. Every beautiful moment that exists inside my family could just as easily happen if I were not running a company.
Don’t run yourself ragged trying to be everything for everyone. It’s not sustainable and will set you up for a sprint crash pattern that makes you undependable for your family. They never know what they can expect from you.
Don’t feel guilty when you are working or when you are with your family.
Don’t try to keep both doors open simultaneously. Close the business door when it’s time to be present with family. Close the family door when it’s time to work. Then you can be fully present.
Don’t compare yourself to others. You have no idea how many people another successful woman has working for her while you’re trying to do it alone. You have no idea how many soccer games another mom misses. Don’t make assumptions and compare your situation to anyone else. We always lose when we play the comparison game.
Do’s
Create a schedule and honor it. As you do, your family will know what to expect from you and trust that you will follow through with what you say you will. (This involves telling them no when they ask you to do something during your scheduled work time.)
Ask your family what events and activities are important for you to be at. I don’t make it to every single activity. But I make it to the important ones.
Redefine what it means to be an amazing mother and wife according to your family’s specific needs.
Embrace that you are not a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. You are an entrepreneur mom and you are in a class all your own.
Find moms you respect and admire and ask for their best tips. Try them out, keep the ones that work for you, let go of the ones that don’t.
Build systems and teams in your business so that you are not trying to run the entire show on your own!
Raising a family takes work, dedication, and unwavering commitment whether you do business or not.
So the next time your kids cry when you leave for the airport, or you can’t seem to focus on date night because your mind is on the deadline waiting in the office, take a deep breath.
You are normal.
And it will be fine.
Hug your family more.
Plan a day to spend with them.
Say no to an opportunity so you can attend a band concert.
Keep doing the best you can!
But please, stop looking at it as a battle, because your happiness just might end up the casualty.
